Forget all this talk about the Apple Watch or these giant smart phones — give me the iRing!

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By Darren Johnson

Campus News and Nu2u.info

While a lot of people are making fun of Apple’s idea for an iWatch, I find the idea refreshing.

I’m getting sick of carrying a phone around, this bulky object whose main purpose is to give me alerts when someone made a move on virtual Scrabble or to inform me of Aunt Bee’s new dog post on Facebook (Shasta the Beagle’s wearing a birthday hat, BTW).

And phones are getting bigger and bigger. The latest iPhone is the size of an Ouija board.

It’s a burden. I feel like a slave having to carry it around. Or like Moses with those stone tablets. So … heavy …

“Siri. How many calories did I burn carrying this gigantic phone up a flight of stairs?”

But, whoops, I stopped wearing watches around the time cell phones came out. I mean, there is a clock on the cell phone. Who needs a watch? The watch also made me feel like a slave — to time ticking by…

But one of my favorite super-heroes as a kid was Green Lantern. This was a guy … who had a ring … and the ring could do anything. I forget the exact details, but it was pretty cool.

So I propose that Apple even go one smaller than the iWatch and come out with the iRing. Who wouldn’t want one?

OK, the first generation may be a bit bulky, as first generations are. The iPad 1 can stop a .45 caliber bullet!

So maybe the first iRing can be made in collaboration with Jostens, and be shaped like one of those corny class rings. Where typically fake emeralds and rubies go could be a mini camera lens and a built-in microphone.

“Siri. How do I ask a date to prom?”

Along the side, engraved would be the school name and class year to prevent it from being stolen — especially if you went to DeVry Tech! Who would want that?!

People are becoming increasingly worse and worse spellers and grammarians, anyway, so this would function mostly through verbal commands. Hook a Bluetooth piece to your ear to privately hear what Aunt Bee has to say about Shasta the Beagle’s birthday.

If you really need to see more than what the tiny screen has to offer, it can project its image on a wall, or convey it to a larger device through the airwaves.i-ring-toon-web

I’m telling you, the iRing will be the thing.

Eventually, it will evolve. For football players, the championship rings can have i-enhancements. You techies know what I mean. …

You don’t? OK, let me explain. For permanently concussed players, the screen will display a double image — on purpose — for those who always see double. To them, it will appear totally normal.

Imagine Dez Bryant catching a touchdown pass and giving us all a first-person Vine of his touchdown dance right then and there (as the Cowboys are losing 45-6, I might add).

The World Series version will have face recognition software, so Derek Jeter doesn’t give his latest booty call the same gift basket twice in a row.

“Siri. Who is this hot blonde lying next to me?”

Eventually, the hardware will get even smaller. The iRing could come in wedding-ring format. This would be perfect for spouses, in this day and age, to GPS track each other. Talk about feeling like a slave!

“Siri. Please tell me the name of a really bad-ass divorce lawyer.”

The iRing is expected to MSRP at $499 and be available in Apple Stores by Christmas 2015.

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