This is my first semester living on campus and I have a roommate. She is kind of a slob and stays up to all hours. I am starting to wonder if I should set boundaries even though we are a month into the semester and how to do that. –The Girl From Room 128B.
The sooner you start creating boundaries, the better. If you sit this messy roommate down nicely and tell her what’s on your mind, chances are she’ll understand. Put it into a perspective that she will get.
If you put it in a point of view that’s relatable to her, it makes it easier on her part to change because she would feel uncomfortable if confronted directly. Tell her that you do not want to come off annoying or as a bad person but you think that having a mutual understanding of rules would be fair. Just clean up your messes (blame yourself too for having them even if you’re clean) and try to be considerate of each other when someone’s asleep.
If you just talk to her and maintain an honest relationship, things will surely get better. If it gets bad, and it really does bother you, there is always an RA that you can confide in whose duty it is to make your college experience more comfortable.
I am a commuter student who goes to a college where most of the students live on campus. I don’t feel that I am getting invited to cool events and feel a bit left out. How do I get into the loop and get accepted by the fun crowd? –Left Out at SUNY
Dear Left Out,
Jump in and don’t be afraid! There are plenty of opportunities for you to get involved on campus, which will lead you to friends and even more events to go to! Every semester, an activities fair is offered on campus that will showcase what clubs, teams, organizations, fraternities or sororities that you can sign up for.
If that passed, just check out your school’s website because everything is listed there, along with the contact info that you can use to get in touch with people.
The sooner you get involved the better it will be for you. Joining extra-curriculars will give you amazing memories and the connections you need to meet like-minded people.
You’ll be happy you did, trust me.
I am a freshman attending a college about an hour away from my hometown and have a boyfriend there (let’s call him Todd) who is still in high school. We have dated steadily for three years. At the same time, I met a guy at college (Barry) who has similar interests to me and we seem to hit it off. They both don’t know about each other, and Todd is under the impression that he and I are exclusive. Barry is less committal, which makes me more attracted to him. What are the odds either would even find out about the other, anyway, and is it implied anyway that I am supposed to be “faithful?”
–Out of Sight
This one is tough. I think the first thing you need to do before you choose one over the other, or neither of them at all, is figure out exactly what you want. The most important person in this triangle is you and deciphering what you think will be best for you in the long run is what really matters.
“Todd” seems like a sweet guy but the long distance relationship – and the fact that he’s a little bit younger – may get hard (I’ve been there, I know how it is). Of course there are exceptions to everything but it’s definitely something to keep in mind. He’s not around and he’s not at the same level as you anymore. College is different than high school and a lot harder, especially if you’re not home anymore.
Then there’s this “Barry…” We’ve all had a Barry in our lives and that’s what’s going to happen especially in college. My advice to you is if you pursue him because he’s around you at school, you need to be careful and forewarned. Barry could only be after one thing and commitment may not be on his agenda. You need to decide if someone like that is what you want in your life. Emotions can be strong when you least expect them to be, and it’s very easy to get hurt in college when both parties aren’t on the same page romantically.
Take these things into consideration but like I said, find happiness in you first and then figure out what can be done to further that feeling.
It’ll work out in the end.
“Dear Jules” is a new advice column exclusively for college students, written by student Julianne Mosher of Campus News fame. Have a burning question you’d like answered? Send it confidentially to firstname.lastname@example.org!