In a stunning victory for community college student writers and burnt-out adjunct professors everywhere, the student newspaper Campus News — which hits 37 campuses in the Northeastern US — was awarded a Pulitzer Prize “Participation Trophy” today.
“We recognize that the student writers at this ‘newspaper’ paid the $100 entry fee to enter the competition, and we’re content to give these snowflakes the 2017 Participation Trophy for their efforts at uncovering the cafeteria’s planned switch from Chicken Tenders to Chicken Nuggets, the newsflash that the $150 textbooks in the campus store are just $147 on eBay, and their useful advice that students who study for tests generally do better than those who drop out. Good stuff, kids,” said the letter the Campus News office received today.
“Listen, a Pulitzer Prize is a Pulitzer Prize,” said publisher Darren Johnson. “I’m not going to get into the technicalities as to whether this is a Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting or fine literature or a Participation Trophy. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re finally being recognized along with our peers at The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and East Cayuga Pennysaver.”
Campus News is always looking for writers and advertisers — especially advertisers. Contact the paper at email@example.com.