By Cody Fitzgerald
Campus News
It’s that time of the year again- back to school! That being said, this year was a little weird. Obviously, given the circumstances, the general atmosphere has been unusual. I, for one, can speak to this because usually I should be fat and sad right now, and you know any year where I’m fit and happy is a bad one. People were actually excited to go back to school, which is not a day I thought I’d live to see. In all the mess, we haven’t seen many back to school survival guides – so I thought I’d provide one here today.
Organize Your Folders – It’s important to keep track of all your papers, so nothing gets lost throughout the year. I’ve color-coded my folders so my local outbreak tracker, math homework and list of places I’d consider moving to if Trump gets reelected don’t get lost.
Pack a Healthy Lunch – It’s important to stay energized during the day, so you can be productive. Pack yourself a filling, healthy, Pringle-free lunch so you can stay on top of your work.
Good First Impressions – It’s important to get off on the right foot with your teachers. You could try the classic “bring them an apple” technique, but with social distancing guidelines, you may have to throw it at them.
Make New Friends – You’re always going to meet new people when you start a school year, so you might as well make some friends in them. Remember, the most relevant topics right now are the coronavirus and politics, so make sure you begin your introduction with some blend of both. They’ll love it.
Stand Out – You don’t want to just be another student in the mix, and you need to make yourself recognizable. One tactic is to play “hard to get” when it comes to homework.
Wear a Mask – There’s no joke here. Don’t be an idiot.
Find the Bullying Equilibrium – You’ve got to find a healthy medium where you’re not the worst bully there, but you’re still the boss. You should politely steal a kid’s lunch money.
B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Belongings) – It’s important to keep to yourself, so you should really buy and store your own supplies. Grab the usual pens, paper, ruler, calculator, folder, clothes and binder and you should be set.
There you have it. Follow these tips and your school year should go flawlessly! I am legally obligated to say that I’m not responsible for anything that happens to you if you use this guide.
Cody Fitzgerald is a Schuylerville (NY) High School senior aspiring to become a screenwriter and comedian.
Bonus: The Comics (Click on Other Stories to See More Comics)
“Broom Hilda” by Russell Meyers. In agreement with TCA. Click to Expand.
Facebook Comments