By Cody Fitzgerald
Campus News
Some of you may have heard, and wondered how, I ended up in the emergency room, wearing a full suit and blazer, last weekend. Allow me to elaborate the only way I know how-
Around 5pm last Saturday, I got a text from my friend, requesting that I arrive at his house wearing a suit. Naturally, without question, I did it. When I arrived, I quickly found out I was attending the new Minions movie. Admittedly, I found this absolutely hilarious, and went along with it. We arrived at the theater and had a quick debrief in the parking lot, most notably resulting in my friend realizing he was wearing a near identical suit to one that Hitler wore in some of his adolescent photos, so he had to throw on a fedora to make the distinction clear.
As we arrived in the theater, with me still thinking this is hilarious, my confidence in our joke slowly started to diminish. The whole concept of pulling into the movie theater wearing a suit and going, “one for Minions, please” is funny, but then realizing that you then have to sit through the Minions movie becomes a different story. Not to mention that this all became worse when I group of three approximately 14-15 year old boys came over, wearing suits, and shook our hands asking if we were watching the Minions movie. If it wasn’t abhorrently clear before this, I was not aware that this was a running meme. I thought we were being original, and my confidence in our joke went through the floor when I realized that this was a trend set and perpetuated by a group of 16 year olds on Reddit.
(I know this all sounds off topic but I promise it will make sense and be relevant soon).
After this embarrassment, we decided to reconvene at my friend’s house, which quite frankly after the incident I do not remember. I am being told that we all took turns lifting my friend, and I went last. Naturally, with having the build of a rubber pencil, I did this and pulled a muscle in my leg in what I vaguely remember as the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. After this, I apparently collapsed onto the floor, landing on my arm and then smacking my head off of the floor in the impact. I woke up on my friend’s floor instinctively, and violently, screaming. I then passed out again and my next memory is getting dragged into the emergency room half conscious and obnoxiously announcing “GUESS WHO PASSED OUT” at 3am. Come to find out, it was a mix of the pain, dehydration and essentially half starving myself whilst trying to lose my “freshman 21.”
When I was wheeled back into my room, my most notable memories are every doctor acting like an elementary school principal when finding out that I picked up my friend (“now why did we think that was a good idea… are we going to do that again?”), half consciously saying “well I wouldn’t consider myself a needle enthusiast” when asked if I was squeamish with the IV, the X-ray operator making sexist jokes about women’s weight and then referencing “all the clowns down in Washington,” and them making me pee in a cup laying down, which I exclaimed was ironic that they thought I could do, as “we have established that I can not even properly drink water.” The worst part was having to explain that I was in remnants of a full body suit because I had just watched the Minions movie. As I was wheeled out, I filled the front desk in again by exclaiming “GUESS WHO’S ANEMIC,” this time at 6am.
My main thesis here is that you should take care of yourself. I was fortunate enough to not have slipped into an eating disorder, but I understand the risk involved and that I could’ve been close if this had continued. I had not been eating properly, been outside a lot and had not drunk enough water, and clearly tried to lift something that I could not lift (no insult to my very in-shape friend, I am just incredibly weak). Make sure your efforts to be healthier are to literally be healthier, and not just to look better, because that is what I had done. You are valid in how you look, and not eating or taking care of yourself is a slippery slope and not one I would recommend for anyone. Love yourself, love your habits. Wanting to lose or gain weight is not a bad thing, but it is something that needs to be done healthily and not at the expense of your life (either lifestyle or literal risk of dying). If you or someone you know is suffering from any kind of eating disorder, go to equip.health online and find a consultant or plan to make sure you stay healthy and get the help you need.
Also, don’t pull up to the Minions movie in a suit.
Cody Fitzgerald enjoys satirizing anything and everything he can get his hands on. Aspiring to become “one of the cool” High School English teachers, he attends Siena College and hopes to share this outlook/coping mechanism with future generations.
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