By Cody Fitzgerald
Campus News
On Dec. 7, 1941, the Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service launched a surprise military attack on Pearl Harbor, going down as one of the worst moments in United States history. This event ultimately caused the United States to enter into World War II, another difficult and bloody time for the country. I was the second national tragedy to occur on Dec. 7.
This past week, on Dec. 7, I turned 18 years old. Although my childhood was at times plagued with stress, bad haircuts and Facebook, I look back on a great 18 years with tons of life lessons and experience that I’ve garnered over time. Today, I’d like to present 18 lessons that I’ve learned over 18 years.
1. Use Your Voice. I lucked out and got a platform right here in this paper, but everybody has a voice, and everybody has the potential to say the change they want to see. Whether that be injustice, prejudice or what is acceptable as a pizza topping, don’t hold back.
2. Make Your Own Opinions. The world is so beyond divided right now that you’re going to have loved ones on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Don’t listen to your parents, your friends, your teachers, me or anyone else. See the facts, see what’s happening, and make your own opinions.
3. Don’t Wait. Nerves get in the way. It takes time but you have to train your brain to be brave enough and reach out to that person, or try out for that sport or tell your grandmother that her “Granny’s Warehouse” half-toy store, half-strip club business idea isn’t going to take off.
4. People Are Important. This admittedly took me until the coronavirus to understand, but all you need is people. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen a movie in theaters or that I wasn’t able to retrieve my Toys R Us gift card that I dropped in the store before it closed, because I had friends and family with me always. The connections and relationships you make are more important than any material item and you can’t convince me otherwise.
5. Escalators Are the Greatest Invention of All Mankind. I mean they’re optional stairs, come on.
6. Moderation is Key. As a recovering (diet) coke addict, I want to tell everyone that moderation is a lot more than a vocabulary word in health class. You can refer to my doctor and ask about my accidental Thanos cosplay when my face blew up and turned purple last summer over soda.
7. Cherish Your Time. You can be mad at family members over petty arguments all you want but always remember that that time is going to run out one day and you don’t get to say you’re sorry or you forgive them. Move on and make the memories that you want to think about when that day comes.
8. The Tooth Fairy Is Weird. I spent my first 9 years of life believing someone broke into my house, watched me sleep and traded upwards of $5 so they could take my tooth and add it to their astronomically large collection of children’s teeth. What were we thinking?
9. Respect Younger People. I hate to break it to you, but young people took the ropes when it came to Black Lives Matter and climate change, while the ones we’re brainwashed to automatically respect supported racism and tear gassing protestors, all while burning fossil fuels and complaining about reusable bags.
10. Question Authority. “The powers that be” is the same group that waited until 2015 to decide gay marriage was okay and that Amy Schumer should be recognized as a comedian. Just because they’re older or in a higher position than you doesn’t mean they’re right in any capacity.
11. Don’t Be Afraid of Being Offensive. This is the one that does me in, I can feel it. Obviously casual rudeness and bigotry isn’t acceptable, but (so long as it’s not you complaining about wearing a mask), don’t be afraid to create change that you think is necessary.
12. “Full House” was never good. I’m not sorry.
13. Laugh Every Day. Who have you never seen laugh? Those people are definitely the most miserable that you’ve ever met. If you’re not smiling at a joke or a friend’s misfortune, you are going about life the absolute wrong way. The world sucks, but if we laugh we can make it suck a lot less.
14. Pringles are Garbage. Don’t deny it. They come in here on their high horse thinking it’s okay to make a container with a circumference so tiny that a medium to large dog could not get their paws in it. They’ve sat and done NOTHING for years as the people get their hands stuck reaching for a potato chip and go into a midlife crisis. There are answers, they just don’t want to accept it. What about a Pringles can where you twist the bottom and the chips come up? Maybe you remove a piece of the lid as you get deeper into the can (potential sponsorship with Lego?). Point is, we’re being brainwashed by the elites into thinking that this is all we’ve got. We need to see change and we need it now. #WarOnPringles
15. Always Listen. Even the stupid ones should be heard so we know what not to do. Anything anyone ever says has value and can be applied to how you should or shouldn’t view things. Shutting someone up just fuels them and makes them want to talk more.
16. Home Depot’s “Do Not Climb” Signs are just recommendations. You heard me.
17. No One is Above You. Don’t view celebrities and popular figures as a different species, out of respect for them and yourself. These people are people, they screw up and they say stupid things and do stupid stuff and you shouldn’t be brainwashed and influenced by them.
18. Love Yourself. Teenage years are some of the worst when it comes to self confidence. I went through it myself, being ashamed of how you look, or dress, or what music you listen to or even what you eat. Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks but you. If you live your life catering to society’s expectations, you’re going to turn into the byproduct of people that you don’t even like. There’s no way to please everybody but you’ll never truly be the person you want to be until you can love who you are today and accept everything that’s wrong with you. You are flawed. You have problems that you’re never, ever going to fix no matter how hard you try. Don’t fight it, accept it and love everything about it.
There you have it, 18 years and 18 things to say. You can listen to me or not, but I like to think you view Pringles and Home Depot with a much clearer mindset now.
Cody Fitzgerald is a Schuylerville (NY) High School senior aspiring to become a screenwriter and comedian.
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