By Cody Fitzgerald
Campus News
It’s that time of the year again – I want to preview all of you on what’s to come in 2022, with some of the headlines and articles we’ll get to see in the coming year. Whether that be what’s going on the political scene, local events or anything in between, let’s preview what’s shaping up to be a very eventful 2022.
- Top 11 Prime Numbers
- Most important issues Republicans have tackled in 2021, including (and limited to) Dr. Seuss and Sesame Street
- A step by step on how to distinguish between the 87 white dudes with beards and snapbacks singing about Applebee’s or their trucks in country music
- If people in Upstate New York are urging you to get the vaccine, you probably should
- Ed Sheeran announces next album, “ab+ x”
- Aaron Rodgers will not treat broken toe, citing “personal choice”
- Matthew McConaughey polling “alright, alright, alright” in Texas gubernatorial race
- Joe Biden receives second colonoscopy to get a break from office
- Ranking every Kidz Bop album
- Anti-vaxxer claims they do not want to have to get another vaccine every 6 months, would rather kill self
- Washington County Fairgrounds announces mud race with all the tire prints left from holiday lights drive through
- Kyle Rittenhouse cut from high school drama production for “unconvincing performance”
- How to tell a kid their parents are getting divorced
- No one cares who Pete Davidson is dating
- Ranking bathrooms I’ve cried in
- Survivor of sub zero temperatures at Greenwich Tractor Parade speaks out about their experience
- After finding out Louis C.K. and Marilyn Manson were nominated for Grammys, The Weeknd beats up The Academy CEO in hopes for recognition this year
- Jeff Bezos announces his own version of Squid Game; employees now allowed to use the bathroom only when Alexa says “green light” for 30 seconds every 2 hours
- Why Radio City Music Hall is the best bathroom to cry in
- Prior to Instagram CEO’s testimony, Congress scrambles to learn what Instagram is
- Where is Flo Rida? An Investigation
- Trump tries to fight subpoena on January 6th information because he doesn’t know what subpoena means
- Okay, I’m kind of curious how Pete Davidson is dating Kim Kardashian
- Paul Gosar, post removal from House committee, now spends his free time reviewing anime
- “Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time (Taylor’s version)” tops streaming charts
- Is Ted Cruz the Pillbury Doughboy?
- Why McDonalds should be legally allowed to call hotcakes pancakes
- Travis Scott urges fans to not wear seatbelts on roller coasters for a more fun experience
- Biden administration promises to “come through on at least one promise, maybe” for second year in office
- Puppets I want to beat up
- Puppies I want to beat up
- Meta announces new Facebook themed clothing line, only for buyers to discover it is just the flesh of skinned fact checkers on a coat
- Why Adele’s “30” is the most okay album of all time (pictured above with Oprah — two women, one name each –TCA photo)
- Dear Dave Chappelle, the trans community does not need to be humbled
- Greg Abbott bans easy access ramps from his wheelchair
- Recapping all these headlines in a shorter article somehow
Looking forward to a great 2022!
Cody Fitzgerald is a 2021 Schuylerville High School grad satirizing anything and everything he can get his hands on. Aspiring to become “one of the cool” High School English teachers, he now attends Siena College and hopes to share this outlook/coping mechanism with future generations.
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